I got home in a foul mood. It was a long night. The weight of these words—voices—kept pressing down on my shoulders and clouding my thoughts with all kinds of doom and gloom storms.
By Lauren Heaton
26 November 2018
I messed up. I sent a work email in haste and it came across poorly.
Enter the devil.
Once I figured out just how badly I had messed up the attacks came. The voices inside my head shouting at me so much so that I literally would speak the words “shut up” out loud to myself. I thought I was speaking them to myself, but I was really speaking them to the voices inside my head that I couldn’t make stop. It was like having an elementary school gym full of kids shrieking and shouting at me. The echoes on the walls bouncing back and forth, the words hitting me like dodgeballs.
I prayed for help. I prayed God would make the voices go away. I shoved my thoughts in and down only feeding the voices more.
I got home and was in a foul mood. The weight of these words pressing down my shoulders and clouding my thoughts with other doom and gloom storms. In my embarrassment, I didn’t want to admit to anyone what had happened. In my pride, I refused to speak up to the ones I love and ask for their help. I stayed stuck in the gymnasium of mean voices.
It was a long night.
The mean voices started up as soon as I woke up again. Then on my usual morning walk with my mom, the words came pouring out of my mouth without thinking. “I messed up…” I told her. I even told her about the voices which I avoid telling others about, believing I’m the only one who hears these voices. I told her about my embarrassment.
And just like that, I was no longer in the gymnasium of screaming kids. I was standing tall again, the weight of those mean words no longer weighing on my shoulders. Giving voice to what I was hiding in pride allowed God’s light to shine in the darkness of my sin. Christ’s light forced the devil and his voices to retreat. Nothing can stand against the light of Christ.
I still had to go back to work that day and own my mistake, but at least I went armored with the love and light of Jesus Christ. He did answer my prayer. He did make the voices stop. He first wanted to teach me to speak up.
*****
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Photo Credit: Lauren Heaton. Used with permission.
Lauren is a young Catholic professional working in the marketing industry. She loves working with high schoolers and leads a high school youth group. She is also passionate about leading a young women’s bible study, is on the leadership team for West Denver 2:42 a young adult ministry and sings at her church. Lauren is a modest fashion enthusiast, pancake connoisseur, promoter of faith and fitness, and lover of all things family oriented.
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